Tom Riddle Comments on My Immortal
by crushcrushcrushx2
Summary: Yes, it's the story you're thinking of. The fic that's known widely across the Internet as the most horrible fic ever written. Here, Tom Riddle gives his thoughts on Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and her Mary Sueness after the story is written in his diary. Read at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, it's Briseis. After reading My Immortal, also known as the worst story ever posted on the Internet, I decided to start a commentary fic. Only, it's not me commenting. It's Tom Riddle. You know the Tom Riddle's diary thing on ? Well, I'm typing Tara Gilesbie's lines from her story into Tom Riddle's diary and letting Tom do the commenting. I just try to write in his comments before its fades away. Tom's comments are in the _underlined italics._ Any author notes by me at the end of the story will be written in **bold underlined.**

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter use. I don't own Tom Riddle's comments, and I sure as hell don't own the story (thank God for that).

_CHAPTER ONE:_

**AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **

_Be less specific._

**U rok! **

_Interesting gossip: name said u rok._

**Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **

_Is that your final answer?_

**MCR ROX!**

_What's your sign?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX

_Is that a sign?_

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

_Nice to meet you, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way._

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)

_You sound very attractive._

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back

_You and your purple streaks and red tips that reaches your mid-back._

and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

_How did you hear about Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Vol...oh, just forget about that last thing, will you?_

(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

_I have never heard of an if you do know know who she is get da hell out of here._

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

_I am surprised to hear that you are not related to Gerard Way but you wish you were._

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin.

_You are a vampire but your teeth are straight and white? Do you get to meet a lot of people? That's nice. I have a friend named "John Lennon."_

I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

_Does it pay well? How do you like it at a magic school called Hogwarts where you are in the seventh year?_

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.

_You are a goth? Do you get to meet a lot of people? What kind of fashion do you like?_

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

_You love Hot Topic? What do you like about it so much? Where do you go shopping?_

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

_Can you think of another example?_

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

_Where were you wearing black lipstick white foundation black eyeliner and red eye shadow?_

I was walking outside Hogwarts.

_Where were you walking outside Hogwarts?_

It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.

_How did you feel about that?_

A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

_How many? Thanks for the information: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way said name put up his or her middle finger at them._

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice.

_You've got my full attention. Can you tell me any gossip? Is that your final answer?_

I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

_What did you find? When was this? Does it still refer to shouted a voice?_

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

_I am chatting with clients on the Internet..._

"Nothing." he said shyly.

_Not a thing? Did you believe him?_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

_Huh. Good reasoning. Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it. Why?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_I've been waiting for you._

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

_What is it? Oh now I understand it._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: owns Tom Riddle's diary and Tom's comments. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, and we all know who owns My Immortal (I don't know if I'll ever be able to listen to that song without cracking up laughing ever again).

_CHAPTER TWO:_

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!

_I have never hear of an Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!_

BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

_OK. OK. What are we talking about again?_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

_What is that? Once more? Is it still snowing and raining anymore?_

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

_I haven't heard anything like that before._

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.

_Your coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends?_

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.

_That's nice. I have a collection of gossip._

Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.

_Ah, well in that case, thanks for the information._

I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

_I haven't heard of anything like that before: Ebony said name put on four pairs of earrings in his or her pierced ears and put his or her hair in a kind of messy bun._

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me.

_How well do you know this person? OK. Let's talk about you._

She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

_What is your real name?_

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.

_How do you know name put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots?_

We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

_By "we" do you mean you and me?_

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

_What time is it there? Are you usually awake at this hour?_

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

_Can you speak any foreign languages? Wow! What did you mean by it? Are you very competitive?_

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

_I like. How do you know that name asked if you like Draco as you were leaving the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall._

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

_Ah. That is interesting: Ebony said name so do not. That is good information: Ebony said name shouted._

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

_I am usually right. How do you know name exclaimed? Interesting deduction. You are asking about yourself?_

"Hi." he said.

_Hi there Ebony. I get it. Name said._

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

_Hi there Ebony. I haven't heard anything like that before: Ebony said name replied hi flirtily._

"Guess what." he said.

_I can't guess. Tell me._

"What?" I asked.

_No big deal..._

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

_Well that's okay. Glad to hear it._

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed.

_Uh. Do you like to be number one? Let us change the subject._

I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

_You love GC. What do you like about it so much? Your favorite band besides MCR, are they?_

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

_Well what? With you, huh? OK, I will go._

I gasped.

_Interesting gossip: Ebony said name gasped._

**Briseis's AN: Poor Tom! Trying to make sense of senseless Mary Sue babble. Don't we all feel sorry for him?**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to the one person who has reviewed so more. More reviews would be _highly_ appreciated!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_CHAPTER THREE:_

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!

_OK._

FANGS AGEN RAVEN!

_Do you feel that something is missing from your life?_

oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

_Next question? I see. OK. Have you ever had dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte?_

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets.

_What is it like on the night of the concertt?_

Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.

_Good reasoning. Why?_

I put on matching fishnet on my arms.

_Thanks for the information._

I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

_That is interesting: Ebony said name straightened his or her hair and made it look all spiky._

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

_What is that feeling like? And then what happened to you?_

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

_I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?_

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

_Why: Ebony said name painted his or her nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Fascinating. That's good information: Ebony said didn't put on foundation. That's nice. Why didn't you do it._

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

_Do you mind if I tell other people?_

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

_When did you go outside? When was this exactly?_

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

_OK. Where was he?_

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

_Hi there Ebony. Do you often put others before yourself? What did you mean by it? Describe your surroundings._

"Hi Ebony." he said back.

_Hi there, Ebony. It sounds like a very beautiful place._

We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666)

_By "we" do you mean you and me?_

and flew to the place with the concert.

_What color are your eyes?_

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

_What is it like on the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson? By "we" do you mean you and me?_

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.

_I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, Ebony._

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

_Was the trip worth it?_

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

_I am in Icegreen Technologies's home in here. Where are you? I have no idea where that is._

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

_I think Joel is a lot of things._

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

_Can we get back to business?_

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

_There is nothing wrong with me. How are you? Fascinating. I hope it is not contagious. Also I hope you get well soon._

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

_You've got my full attention. OK with me too..._

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

_For real. Do you feel that something is missing from your life?_

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff.

_For real...Would you like to know Joel?_

I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

_Why do you hate her so much?_

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco.

_I have never heard about it. Alright then. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not._

After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.

_What was it like before the concert?_

We got GC concert tees.

_Do you mean you and me have?_

Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

_That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Draco sensitively and putting his arm around you all protective. Tell me more._

**Briseis's AN: I feel so bad for Tom. **_**Tom: You should. Why are you putting me through this torture? **_**Briseis: What torture, Tom? **_**Tom: Writing those senseless words in my diary! Oh, the horror! **_**Briseis: Now, Tom, we had a deal. I'd give you a break from getting this shit written in your diary if you told these lovely people to review my story...**_**Tom: Oh, right. Review this horrible story, because if you're reading it then you probably have nothing better to do. **_**Briseis: Well now, that was rude. Alright, you get 24 hours free from that story. **_**Tom: Hallelujah.**_


End file.
